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This page is intended to give basic information on marriage preparation in
the Catholic Church. It cannot substitute for a conversation with a priest or
deacon about your specific situation and needs, but it can provide you with a
sense of the normal requirements and procedures in the
Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston. For more
information on particular questions, check with your parish, or with the
diocesan Tribunal or office of
Family Life Ministry.
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In their pastoral plan on ministry with young adults,
Sons and Daughters
of the Light, the US Bishops said,
Young adults approach the Church to be married for a number of
reasons, including parental pressure, the desire to have a church wedding, or to
reunite themselves with the Church. Regardless of why they come, the Church and
its ministers need to welcome them as Christ welcomes them, with understanding,
love, and acceptance, challenging them with the gospel message, and giving them
hope that a lifelong commitment is possible.
We hope you experience this hospitality and welcoming throughout your
marriage preparation process. It is in this spirit that we offer you this guide
to Getting Married in the Catholic Church.
[Catholic teaching]
[Preparing for marriage] [The
wedding ceremony] [After the wedding] [Questions]
Catholic teaching about marriage
For most people marriage is one of the most important decisions and realities
of their life; in it they form a community of love. For Catholics, marriage is
not merely a civil contract but is a covenant between a man and a woman before
God. If both are baptized, the marriage is a sacrament, a symbol of the unity of
Christ and the Church. A sacramental marriage is a means of grace, giving
strength to the husband and wife to live out their commitment, and to help each
on the path to holiness.
As you prepare for marriage, you'll be asked to reflect carefully and
prayerfully on the nature of this sacrament. Before we look at some of the steps
of that preparation process, consider some of the points made in the
Catechism of the
Catholic Church (references* are to paragraph number):
*1660 The marriage
covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion
of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the
Creator. By its very nature it is ordered to the good of the couple, as well as
to the generation and education of children. Christ the Lord raised marriage
between the baptized to the dignity of a sacrament...
1661 The sacrament of
Matrimony signifies the union of Christ and the Church. It gives spouses the
grace to love each other with the love with which Christ has loved his Church;
the grace of the sacrament thus perfects the human love of the spouses,
strengthens their indissoluble unity, and sanctifies them on the way to eternal
life.
1662 Marriage is based
on the consent of the contracting parties, that is, on their will to give
themselves, each to the other, mutually and definitively, in order to live a
covenant of faithful and fruitful love.
Any marriage involving a Catholic is subject to Church norms known as "canon
law." Catholics are obliged to marry in the Catholic Church, following the
marriage rite of the Catholic Church. Their exchange of vows must be witnessed
by either a priest or deacon and two other witnesses. A Catholic can receive
permission to marry a non-Catholic and they may be married in the church of the
non-Catholic party, but if their exchange of vows will be witnessed by a
minister of that denomination, the Catholic must seek a written dispensation
from the local Catholic Bishop. Any priest or deacon in one of our local
parishes can assist in this matter.
Preparing for marriage
First, notify the parish!
Most couples reserve a reception location as much as a year in advance. Before you
do that, or contract with a photographer, or think about invitations, or
make any other agreements, you need to talk to your parish. Diocesan guidelines
say you should
do so at least 6-9 months before the time you'd like to get married; some
parishes may require even more advance
notice, because of the number of weddings they celebrate. Be sure to allow extra time if either of you require an
annulment.
Once you speak with your parish, you'll begin a formal process of marriage
preparation. The
Catechism
of the Catholic Church explains:
1632 So that the "I do" of the
spouses may be a free and responsible act and so that the marriage covenant may
have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage
is of prime importance.
Preparation for marriage involves a process of discernment, which is meant to be
an affirming experience as you become more aware of your readiness to
enter Christian married life. This process is meant to help you assess your
personal faith and your relational readiness, not to make those
judgments for or about you.
The pastor of the parish in which you live or in which you are registered has
the responsibility for your marriage preparation (if both are Catholics, most
couples will go to the bride's parish, but it is your choice). If you want another priest or
deacon to witness the marriage (for instance, a campus minister or relative),
your pastor can give him permission to also coordinate your marriage
preparation.
Initial interview
The process begins when you sit down for an initial conversation with the priest or deacon who
will be responsible for your
marriage preparation, or some other person appointed for this by the pastor of
your parish. This shouldn't be done over the phone
or with the parish secretary. This is an opportunity for you to get to know
one another, to explain the marriage preparation process, to determine that
you are free to marry (according to Church law and civil law), and to identify
any special needs or requests you may have regarding the wedding (place,
long-distance preparation, etc.). You'll be told about the different documents
you'll need to provide (recent copies of your baptismal certificates,
prenuptial investigation form, any necessary permissions or dispensations,
and, if necessary, affidavit of free status, annulment papers, or death
certificate of previous spouse).
Faith readiness
One of the most important aspects of the discernment process is the
assessment of your faith readiness. Because the marriage of two baptized Christians is a
sacrament, it requires the presence of faith in those who receive it. No two
people are at the same place in their journey of faith, however. Through the
marriage preparation process, you should be able to better identify and deepen
your faith, both as individuals and as a couple.
Marriage readiness
Another aspect of the discernment process looks at your readiness to marry. While there is no possible way to determine
this definitively, there are clear indicators that
can predict potential problems or even the eventual failure of the marriage.
You'll be asked to complete a
premarital inventory such as the PMI Profile or
FOCCUS, which will give both of you an opportunity to reflect on your
attitudes and your relationship. This isn't a test, but is an aid for you and
the priest or deacon to use in highlighting important areas for discussion.
Formational programs
This part of the marriage preparation process is
intended to help you understand better both the human and Christian aspects of
marriage, and to introduce you to persons and resources that are available to
help strengthen your marriage. Any formational program should include
discussion of the following "key elements":
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the context of marriage today
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communication and conflict resolution |
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the meaning of permanence and ongoing forgiveness
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the requirements of a sacramental marriage |
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the role of faith, prayer, and Church in marriage |
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the roles, expectations, and responsibilities within marriage |
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self-awareness, personal healing and individual growth |
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sex and sexuality |
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the value of children and responsible parenthood |
The priest or deacon will work with you in selecting a formational program
that best suits your needs. There are a number of
options available in this
diocese, including
Engaged Encounter,
Sponsor Couple Program,
Unitas,
and
Married in the Catholic Church: What Difference Does It Make?
When you've completed one of these programs, the priest or deacon will meet
with you to discuss the results.
In addition, couples of child-bearing age will be asked to attend either an introductory
session or a series of classes on
Natural Family Planning
(and
here).
The wedding ceremony
Where will the wedding take place?
To highlight the sacredness of the celebration, and to underscore the
relationship between your marriage and the Christian community, the Catholic
Church stipulates that Catholic weddings take place in Catholic churches.
Permission will not be given for outdoor
weddings or unusual locations. Normally, the wedding will be celebrated in the
parish where either of the Catholic parties resides. Your pastor may give
permission for it to be celebrated in another Catholic church or chapel (for
example, a Newman Center). If you are marrying a non-Catholic Christian or a
non-baptized person, you may request permission to have the wedding take place
elsewhere (e.g., in another Christian church or a synagogue or in another
suitable place).
Preparing the liturgy
The wedding liturgy, like all other sacramental celebrations, is by its very nature communal--a
celebration of the whole Church. Yet it is unique in being the only sacrament
where it is the couple themselves who are the ministers of the sacrament; the
priest or deacon is a witness.
Catholic weddings follow the general norms for liturgical celebrations, but
there are a number of options available for you to choose that will enable you
to enrich the celebration with expressions of your own faith. The priest or
deacon will assist you in understanding the nature of the liturgy, and the
various options and choices available regarding music, readings, and the ritual.
Reflecting prayerfully on these together can be an important part of your
spiritual preparation for the sacrament.
The wedding liturgy should be planned to encourage the participation of the
assembly through song and prayer. It should express both your faith and
commitment and that of the gathered community. It provides an opportunity for
the community to pray for you, and to promise you their support in your married
life.
Your parish may provide you with a workbook for planning the liturgy, but
here is a summary of some of the options you may consider:
Ministries of the liturgy
There are a variety of ministries in each liturgical celebration. Some roles
can only be filled by a Roman Catholic (for example, an Extraordinary Minister
of Holy Communion); other ministries, like that of reader, can be done by
qualified persons of other faith traditions. Take care in selecting and
preparing people to fill these roles, making sure they have the skills and gifts
necessary.
The rite
The Church provides three different rites for marriage:
- a sacramental rite during the Eucharist, which is the usual (but not
mandatory) form when both parties are Catholic;
- a sacramental rite outside Eucharist, which is the usual (but not
mandatory) form when one party is baptized, but not Catholic;
- a non-sacramental rite between a Catholic and an unbaptized person.
The Entrance Procession may include the liturgical ministers
and presider, as all as bride and groom, family members, and attendants. There
are many ways to plan it--a liturgical procession (as at a Sunday mass) followed
by procession of the wedding party; attendants entering as couples rather than
the bridesmaids alone; bride and groom accompanied by all parents or relatives
in the procession; or the bride escorted by her father.
The Liturgy of the Word follows the format as at any mass. The
readings may be selected from the many options given in the lectionary, or may
be other appropriate Scriptures. Non-scriptural readings are not used. The psalm
is preferably sung, as is the gospel acclamation. The general intercessions
should address the needs of the world and the universal Church as well as the
needs of the couple.
For the Rite of Marriage, the couple should be clearly visible
to the entire assembly as they exchange vows, because they are the focus of the
rite. There are various options provided for the wording of the vows.
Music
Parishes may have their own policies about music. Be sure to ask. In general,
when deciding what music to use, consider the following questions:
- Is this a well-written piece of music?
- Are the text and music in keeping with the nature of the liturgy?
- Can the music be used to help the assembly to pray?
The music used before or during the liturgy should be clearly identifiable as
prayer by all present. Secular love songs and ballads that have personal meaning
to the couple are best played or sung at the reception.
Cultural adaptations
The Church allows cultural adaptations within the ceremony as long as they
are in keeping with the nature and spirit of the liturgy. Such adaptations
should not be overpowering, though. Be careful not to duplicate symbols that
might have similar meanings; for example, the lasso and the unity
candle are both cultural adaptations which emphasize the union of two
persons into a new life in Christ.
The wedding rehearsal
This may be conducted by the priest or deacon witnessing the marriage, or by
a parish wedding rehearsal coordinator. This is part of the preparation process,
and offers an excellent opportunity for the wedding party to join together in
prayer. The
Catechism notes
(para. 1622), "It is ... appropriate for the bride and groom to prepare
themselves for the celebration of their marriage by receiving the sacrament of
penance"; many priests will offer this at the rehearsal for the couple and for
members of the wedding party who may desire it.
After the wedding …
In the months of marriage preparation, you're not simply preparing for an
hour long wedding, but for a lifetime together--a lifetime of joy and happiness,
we hope, but also of surprises and challenges. The best marriage preparation can
never anticipate all that will happen in your life together, but it can help you
to uncover some areas you'll want to give thought to, and it can also point you
to resources available for
marriage enrichment and healing.
Questions?
Throughout this guide, we've referred to other resources available on the
webpages of the Tribunal and the
Office of Family Life Ministry.
If you still have questions, please
let us know, and
we'll add to this page a list of answers to Frequently Asked Questions.
Other feedback
Please
let us know
how can we improve on this guide!
